The New BHP
I feel like Stephen
Hawkins, sitting on an event horizon, as I discover and name an emerging
phenomena I've termed 'BHP' - Black Hole People.
Like cosmic black
holes, I've observed a marked increase in recent years of BHP who I have
encountered in a variety of situations.
The most common area
for encountering BHP is in business.
Consider this
scenario: A long-term client with which you have a solid relationship, appoints
a new manager who contacts you with an urgent request. You drop everything,
visit site (which in my case is a good 90min drive), meet the manager, discuss
the project, and understand it has to be delivered by 'yesterday'. You head
back to the office, make all the necessary enquiries, collect prices, compile a
quotation (which takes about a week), all the while advising the customer out of
professional courtesy that you're 'progressing'.
Finally the proposal
comes together, with your days of thinking, discussing, analysing, slicing and
dicing, articulated on electronic paper and you press the 'Send' button.
.... silence.
After 4 weeks of
polite phone messages, emails, voice-mails, calling the managers' colleagues to see if
he is still alive .... more silence.
Or you're looking
for a job, see several ads with various agencies (or the HR department itself),
and you fire off that much loved and refined CV that articulately explains why
you fit all the published criteria and would like them to be your next employer.
.... silence.
After repeated
emails, messages and not even a 'we'll get back to you', you give up,
disheartened.
Or a 'friend' who
gets busy, makes repeated promises to call you, meet you, have
coffee/dinner/brunch with you, yet after weeks of leaving messages via various
media makes it clear through any lack of response that you don't rate the 5
seconds (out of 86,400 in a day) that it takes to type, "Flat out, call
you in 2 weeks", and you're left wondering if it's time to change your
deodorant or mouthwash.
Or the peer at work
who has been there much longer than you, whose urgent advice you need to
progress a deal for the company you both work for, yet after emailing and
calling and leaving messages, simply refuses to respond.
If any of these
situations ring a bell, you can be sure BHP are active in your life!
The very nature of
BHP is that like a black hole, nothing, zip, zero, nada, comes back, so
there's no opportunity for dialog and therefore no opportunity for any form of
relationship. There is no solution other than to do a u-turn and get on with
Life, before you too get sucked in.
However, in the wise
words of Ghandi about 'being the change', there is something you can do and
that is a mantra that has served me exceptionally well: always respond.
I don't mean to the
penis enlargement spam or the lottery-winning or Nigerian money scams, however
if, for example, someone sends you a well composed, intelligent and respectful
email offering you a service that you don't need, a simple and polite 'no thanks'
does several things:
- It closes the loop and lets the sender know you have read, understood, evaluated and concluded they can be of no assistance
- They move on to the next client and don't waste their valuable time
- You don't hear from them again and so don't waste your valuable time
- The sender is so used to being ignored that a response is seen as a mini-miracle and so the sender is grateful
- You receive their gratitude whether you know it or not
The corollary of not
responding is:
- You scan the first email, dismiss it and delete it
- They send you a follow-up email which you scan then delete
- Depending on their tenacity you may get several more ...
- They get frustrated by your lack of response and whether you know it or not, you receive their frustration
- You get frustrated by them continuing to send you emails that you don't want!
We might think that
we don't have the time to respond, yet somehow we find many times the time to
scan and delete on multiple occasions, than it would take to respond.
False
economy really.
And when it comes to
CVs, some words of caution: you never know when you might meet the author who
may one day be interviewing you!
So be the opposite
of a BHP by responding. You'll feel happier within yourself, have more time, be
regarded as respectful and gracious, be remembered and receive much
gratitude.
And to all the BHP
reading this: you don't have to be a BHP until you disappear down your own
rabbit-hole. Your disregard for other people may come from feeling that you are
the centre of the Universe, but rest assured there are real black holes out
there that are (see previous post!).
Simply respond, give
back, do something different, and your dark days will be over.
You never know, you might even transform into
a Sun!
